Sunday, July 27, 2014

Intriguing alienation.

Do you ever just sometimes, for a moment, stop. Just stop for a second, and breathe. Just breathe, and take in your surroundings and just be still. Just be...aware. Or try to be aware of the things you're going to do, you did and wonder as to when and what is your destination. Just look at the clouds and wonder as to where they're heading. So just watch the flock of birds flying in the sky, wondering if they watch a new sunset and sunrise every day? If at this every moment, someone has just taken their first breath in this world, while someone takes their last? Someone's falling in love while someone's just breaking apart? Someone's happy. Someone's heartbroken, someone angry. Someone having their eureka moment while some spend sleepless nights studying a eureka moment?
So many moments, so many someone's, and all you can do is think about it. In that very moment, taking it all in, trying to process and calm your heart that's trying to rip off your chest, telling your brain to shut up, to stop thinking so much. While you're lungs are trying to take a deep breathes to keep you pushing forward. You've never been so claustrophobic, yet you've never felt more liberated? By literal terms to exist but at the same time not existing. To see everyone's faces blurred out, and just, just for a moment- you're alone and nobody around you matters. 
It's not a melancholic or ecstatic feeling. Nor is it exciting or depressing. But it's just something, that is crying to get noticed, and never been more aware of it. It's just there...
And all you want is to be in that moment and at the same time get out of it, experience it, at the same time forget all about it. Wondering if it's gonna mark you or you'll just go back to the way things are. Make or break you. 
It's a silence which is so quite it's almost deafening. Almost as if you've lost all your senses and feel as if you're not existing but at the same time you've never been more aware of your existence. Your throat clogs up, your lungs puffed up, your mind like scattered stars, trying to find an alignment. It just hangs in the air, almost as if you can touch it, taste it, feel it. All your senses on high alert and at the same time you feel numb. But it's a feeling that stays with you always. 

So, tell me. Have you ever been graced by this alienated yet somehow comforted experience? 
If you haven't, then this is just a peek into my world. 
You have have felt it, or want to, let me tell you, it's a pretty intriguing alienation, which I wouldn't trade for the world.