Sunday, July 27, 2014

Intriguing alienation.

Do you ever just sometimes, for a moment, stop. Just stop for a second, and breathe. Just breathe, and take in your surroundings and just be still. Just be...aware. Or try to be aware of the things you're going to do, you did and wonder as to when and what is your destination. Just look at the clouds and wonder as to where they're heading. So just watch the flock of birds flying in the sky, wondering if they watch a new sunset and sunrise every day? If at this every moment, someone has just taken their first breath in this world, while someone takes their last? Someone's falling in love while someone's just breaking apart? Someone's happy. Someone's heartbroken, someone angry. Someone having their eureka moment while some spend sleepless nights studying a eureka moment?
So many moments, so many someone's, and all you can do is think about it. In that very moment, taking it all in, trying to process and calm your heart that's trying to rip off your chest, telling your brain to shut up, to stop thinking so much. While you're lungs are trying to take a deep breathes to keep you pushing forward. You've never been so claustrophobic, yet you've never felt more liberated? By literal terms to exist but at the same time not existing. To see everyone's faces blurred out, and just, just for a moment- you're alone and nobody around you matters. 
It's not a melancholic or ecstatic feeling. Nor is it exciting or depressing. But it's just something, that is crying to get noticed, and never been more aware of it. It's just there...
And all you want is to be in that moment and at the same time get out of it, experience it, at the same time forget all about it. Wondering if it's gonna mark you or you'll just go back to the way things are. Make or break you. 
It's a silence which is so quite it's almost deafening. Almost as if you've lost all your senses and feel as if you're not existing but at the same time you've never been more aware of your existence. Your throat clogs up, your lungs puffed up, your mind like scattered stars, trying to find an alignment. It just hangs in the air, almost as if you can touch it, taste it, feel it. All your senses on high alert and at the same time you feel numb. But it's a feeling that stays with you always. 

So, tell me. Have you ever been graced by this alienated yet somehow comforted experience? 
If you haven't, then this is just a peek into my world. 
You have have felt it, or want to, let me tell you, it's a pretty intriguing alienation, which I wouldn't trade for the world.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Rainy disposition ☔️

I watched as the rain drops splashed against the pavement, creating a complex pattern which was soon on the verge of being flooded. The clouds roared in annoyance, of being noticed by us mere humans to let us know that they're here, and it's that time of the season- monsoon. The grey clouds dimmed the once lit up sky, the kind of grey you see on dolphins, a nice soothing grey with borderline banality tendencies.
I observed the different reactions of people, the little kids almost racing to get out of their school buses, trying to escape the holds of their forever ready caging tendency of the parents, the teenagers some hiding from the rain, some romancing with their young love, some with war at themselves; contemplating to whether dance in the rain or save themselves a weeks worth of cold and cough. While the parents, frustrated with the weather, trying to control their kids, cursing the weather gods, while trying not to get any of the muck on their work pants, and preventing themselves from getting wet. While the old people, just sit and watch the rains from the windows, their legs a bit too worn out from old age for them to actually enjoy the monsoon, with a cup of steaming hot tea in their hands, and a rainy scene to help keep them company as their reminisce of the good old days.  
And me? 
I just watch as each raindrop falls on the ground, creating ripples on the puddles, filling up the potholes with water, hear the frogs croak, as the plants having had their bath; enjoy the lush green wash which covers the earth, almost as if the plants are having a ball, where all of them have worn their best dresses, in hopes of impressing the world and showing off to the human eyes, the real beauty of Mother Nature, with the birds chirping and the frogs croaking, almost as if telling us 'Listen up humans of the world, the most beautiful person is ready to come out in all it's holy glory.' Ahh Mother Nature. 
Oh and thunderstorms are the best. Some might be freaked out about these monstrous creatures, but I think their one of the most spectacular things a naked eye has ever perceived. 
The purple streak of Harry Potter's scar being displaced on the skies is truly a potter head fans dream. The electric blue streak highlighted or bordered with silvery purple, as a thunderous sound soon follows, against the grey scale of the heavenly skies accompanied with the smell of wet mud is truly one of the reasons I thank the gods to be alive. This feeling of sheer pleasure and happiness, of seeing everything in the truest form, without any mask, make up to cover in all it's imperfections. That, that is the reason, I love the rains. 


Tuesday, July 1, 2014


'You fight like a girl!" "Awh come on, stop crying like a girl!" "You run like a girl!" "You punch like a girl!"
These are just your average based 'insults' that men in particular love to throw around in mockery to question someone of their 'manliness'. 
Just yesterday in class one of the boys was crying for some reason and our teacher who by the way is a man, being oh so original and charming could only think of one way of shutting the poor chap by saying, "I won't be calling your parents for disturbing by class this way" and I quote "tu ladki hai kya?" (Are you a girl) "tu ladki jaise rota hai, tu ladkiyo jesai harkat karta hai" (You were crying like a girl and you behave as one)  
Isn't it funny? We go worshipping girls in India, and recently campaigning for the liberation of the woman in the society, and yet we have people, educated from the highest and most prestigious institutions like IIT talking like this. 
In the field I'm currently pursuing, engineering- girls are in minority for reasons unknown. But does that give men the right to insult the term 'girl?'
When did 'like a girl' become an insult? What is wrong with hitting 'like a girl?' Or crying 'like a girl?' Or even running 'like a girl?' What wrong in being compared to a girl?
What I can't seem to fathom is the thought that women and girls all round are okay with the fact that 'like a girl' is an insult and maybe even use it themselves. This breaks my heart. I've always counteracted if someone uses this term in a condescending sense. As a kid I used to give them my version of 'death ray vision' and throw a fit till they took back their words. As a teen- I would give them a moral lecture with a underlined death wish if they ever uttered that line again. 
Why don't people get it? As if being girl isn't hard enough, making cheap tags lines and mocking the way we are isn't helping the situation. They say real men respect women in every way. I'm not saying all the boys around me are rapists and molesters. But these sheer sexist comments are the root bases of the inferiority complex between men and woman. 
Like William Goulding once said, "I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men, they are far superior and always have been." Such a wise man. 
So to all the girls and women around the world, here's my advice. "Punch like a girl, cry like a girl, scream like a girl, walk like a girl, talk like a girl, throw a ball like a girl, sing like a girl or even bloody breather like a girl. Cause it working. Damn straight it's working. As long as we do our job or excel in our various fields, nobody's gonna ask you if you 'did it like a girl.' If they did, just tell them 'Its cause I'm a girl, and you're just sorry you can't be us." A sass a day keeps the basics away. ✌️ 

Here's to us girls, keep it simple. Keep it real and being "like a girl." 

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