I see you

I see the way you haunch you back, slouching in a manner my mother would have a fit over, the bags under you eyes suggesting that your amber colored stones have seen more than they should have, the half empty cup of caffeine your calloused fingers clutch; The lack of sleep evident even for the blacked orbs of a blind man.

The way your fingers twitch, the way your eyes keep looking at your phone, the crooked frown that mars your strong jawline, the way your eyebrows knit in frustration, the way your legs are tapping against the pathway, and your restless ways annoy the grandma sitting across you, evidently judging you, and probably raiding on this generation kids. The way your foreheads starts to form beads of sweat while at the same time you pull your pale blue sweater around you, your white as ghost skin flush a lush pink of embarrassment or excitement, your evident impatience catching every eye in the park. While the different hues of orange and red light up the sky, your eyes reflecting the colours, almost as if your skull have rubies in them. The tension palatable and the suspense of a phone call slowly killing you as your eyes wander to the skies, seemingly silently praying for something. 

Finally the snazzy ring tone of you phone literally shakes you up, while I watch you spring on your feet, the lack luster of days of insomnia vanishes and you walk to and fro, talking, and then suddenly throwing the phone down. My breath hitched and my heart pounded thinking of all the terrible scenarios that could have happened to you. 

I couldn't make out from your lips to lip sync your conversation, but I sure could hear the loud pounding of your heart, almost as if it wanted to be break free from your rib cage. I knew something big has happened. What? I don't know. 

But the way you threw you head back and astoundingly  laughed, with a little bounce in you walk, the twinkling gleam in your eyes, that crooked frown turned upside down with a blinding smile, and the way your lips screamed to the whole wide world. 

 "IT'S A GIRL!" 

I knew it didn't matter anymore. 

Intriguing alienation.

Do you ever just sometimes, for a moment, stop. Just stop for a second, and breathe. Just breathe, and take in your surroundings and just be still. Just be...aware. Or try to be aware of the things you're going to do, you did and wonder as to when and what is your destination. Just look at the clouds and wonder as to where they're heading. So just watch the flock of birds flying in the sky, wondering if they watch a new sunset and sunrise every day? If at this every moment, someone has just taken their first breath in this world, while someone takes their last? Someone's falling in love while someone's just breaking apart? Someone's happy. Someone's heartbroken, someone angry. Someone having their eureka moment while some spend sleepless nights studying a eureka moment?

So many moments, so many someone's, and all you can do is think about it. In that very moment, taking it all in, trying to process and calm your heart that's trying to rip off your chest, telling your brain to shut up, to stop thinking so much. While you're lungs are trying to take a deep breathes to keep you pushing forward. You've never been so claustrophobic, yet you've never felt more liberated? By literal terms to exist but at the same time not existing. To see everyone's faces blurred out, and just, just for a moment- you're alone and nobody around you matters. 

It's not a melancholic or ecstatic feeling. Nor is it exciting or depressing. But it's just something, that is crying to get noticed, and never been more aware of it. It's just there...

And all you want is to be in that moment and at the same time get out of it, experience it, at the same time forget all about it. Wondering if it's gonna mark you or you'll just go back to the way things are. Make or break you. 

It's a silence which is so quite it's almost deafening. Almost as if you've lost all your senses and feel as if you're not existing but at the same time you've never been more aware of your existence. Your throat clogs up, your lungs puffed up, your mind like scattered stars, trying to find an alignment. It just hangs in the air, almost as if you can touch it, taste it, feel it. All your senses on high alert and at the same time you feel numb. But it's a feeling that stays with you always. 

So, tell me. Have you ever been graced by this alienated yet somehow comforted experience? 

If you haven't, then this is just a peek into my world. 

You have have felt it, or want to, let me tell you, it's a pretty intriguing alienation, which I wouldn't trade for the world.

🎭

Rainy disposition ☔️

I watched as the rain drops splashed against the pavement, creating a complex pattern which was soon on the verge of being flooded. The clouds roared in annoyance, of being noticed by us mere humans to let us know that they're here, and it's that time of the season- monsoon. The grey clouds dimmed the once lit up sky, the kind of grey you see on dolphins, a nice soothing grey with borderline banality tendencies.

I observed the different reactions of people, the little kids almost racing to get out of their school buses, trying to escape the holds of their forever ready caging tendency of the parents, the teenagers some hiding from the rain, some romancing with their young love, some with war at themselves; contemplating to whether dance in the rain or save themselves a weeks worth of cold and cough. While the parents, frustrated with the weather, trying to control their kids, cursing the weather gods, while trying not to get any of the muck on their work pants, and preventing themselves from getting wet. While the old people, just sit and watch the rains from the windows, their legs a bit too worn out from old age for them to actually enjoy the monsoon, with a cup of steaming hot tea in their hands, and a rainy scene to help keep them company as their reminisce of the good old days.  

And me? 

I just watch as each raindrop falls on the ground, creating ripples on the puddles, filling up the potholes with water, hear the frogs croak, as the plants having had their bath; enjoy the lush green wash which covers the earth, almost as if the plants are having a ball, where all of them have worn their best dresses, in hopes of impressing the world and showing off to the human eyes, the real beauty of Mother Nature, with the birds chirping and the frogs croaking, almost as if telling us 'Listen up humans of the world, the most beautiful person is ready to come out in all it's holy glory.' Ahh Mother Nature. 

Oh and thunderstorms are the best. Some might be freaked out about these monstrous creatures, but I think their one of the most spectacular things a naked eye has ever perceived. 

The purple streak of Harry Potter's scar being displaced on the skies is truly a potter head fans dream. The electric blue streak highlighted or bordered with silvery purple, as a thunderous sound soon follows, against the grey scale of the heavenly skies accompanied with the smell of wet mud is truly one of the reasons I thank the gods to be alive. This feeling of sheer pleasure and happiness, of seeing everything in the truest form, without any mask, make up to cover in all it's imperfections. That, that is the reason, I love the rains. 

  

#LikeAGirl

'You fight like a girl!" "Awh come on, stop crying like a girl!" "You run like a girl!" "You punch like a girl!"

These are just your average based 'insults' that men in particular love to throw around in mockery to question someone of their 'manliness'. 

Just yesterday in class one of the boys was crying for some reason and our teacher who by the way is a man, being oh so original and charming could only think of one way of shutting the poor chap by saying, "I won't be calling your parents for disturbing by class this way" and I quote "tu ladki hai kya?" (Are you a girl) "tu ladki jaise rota hai, tu ladkiyo jesai harkat karta hai" (You were crying like a girl and you behave as one)  

Isn't it funny? We go worshipping girls in India, and recently campaigning for the liberation of the woman in the society, and yet we have people, educated from the highest and most prestigious institutions like IIT talking like this. 

In the field I'm currently pursuing, engineering- girls are in minority for reasons unknown. But does that give men the right to insult the term 'girl?'

When did 'like a girl' become an insult? What is wrong with hitting 'like a girl?' Or crying 'like a girl?' Or even running 'like a girl?' What wrong in being compared to a girl?

 WHAT IS WRONG WITH BEING A GIRL?

What I can't seem to fathom is the thought that women and girls all round are okay with the fact that 'like a girl' is an insult and maybe even use it themselves. This breaks my heart. I've always counteracted if someone uses this term in a condescending sense. As a kid I used to give them my version of 'death ray vision' and throw a fit till they took back their words. As a teen- I would give them a moral lecture with a underlined death wish if they ever uttered that line again. 

Why don't people get it? As if being girl isn't hard enough, making cheap tags lines and mocking the way we are isn't helping the situation. They say real men respect women in every way. I'm not saying all the boys around me are rapists and molesters. But these sheer sexist comments are the root bases of the inferiority complex between men and woman. 

Like William Goulding once said, "I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men, they are far superior and always have been." Such a wise man. 

So to all the girls and women around the world, here's my advice. "Punch like a girl, cry like a girl, scream like a girl, walk like a girl, talk like a girl, throw a ball like a girl, sing like a girl or even bloody breather like a girl. Cause it working. Damn straight it's working. As long as we do our job or excel in our various fields, nobody's gonna ask you if you 'did it like a girl.' If they did, just tell them 'Its cause I'm a girl, and you're just sorry you can't be us." A sass a day keeps the basics away. ✌️ 

Here's to us girls, keep it simple. Keep it real and being "like a girl." 

PS- Watch this amazing ad here, the links given below. Here's to an amazing campaign that promoting us women, please support them anyway you can. Spread the love ❤️

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Summer bummer love

As the crystal periwinkle coloured water kissed the silvery white shores of the islands, I felt the sand beneath my feet trying to escape as I curled my toes trying to clutch them, failing miserably as the stubborn waters washed the velvety sand between my toenails. almost as if it was trying to pull me into the big blue canvas; forcing me to forget my worries and just literally go with the flow. Oh how I wish I did.

Walking along the scenic Island coastline was like a beautiful and surreal experience. With the sun beating down my back; the smell of salt in the air as a gentle cool breeze helped me keep the humidity at bay. The silvered sand glistening as if some pirates had hidden their secret stash of treasure underneath the sand, stunning the onlookers with their shine, prodding them to break into a treasure hunt. 

While the vast blue ocean tried to swallow the shoreline, I walked with my bare feet digging into the sand creating footprints while the cheeky waves erased my very evidence of ever being there. 'Walk barefooted in sand once in a while and you'd never have to pay money for a pedicure.' Reminiscing these lines said by my grandmother, I looked into the angry sky, as the sun tried to run away from the clouds that were trying to overshadow the blue ocean in the horizon. 

The beach was full of these tiny sea crabs. With each step I took, every sea crab within a 10m distance hid away into their shell. Obviously not liking the intruder treading their lands with her gigantic feet. It was like a chain reaction, as I walked every living thing around me locked themselves away; hiding from the scrutiny of human eyes. There is that line between nature and us. If these crabs were humans- they'd probably shine their outer shells and strut their stuff, showing off their islands to the intruder. While these tiny creature want to be left to their solitude, not interested to show the world what they've got. Now that's a hidden valuable lesson neither school, society nor anyone for that matter can teach us. 

Out of the corner of my mind I saw a movement on one of the dried up corals. On inspecting a little closer I saw a tiny kitten purring softly as it tried in it's cat monologue to build up it's courage to jump over the small stretch of water and landing safely onto the inviting silver arid sand. Stranding without anyone to help- the kitten purred pitifully. Boy don't we all know this feeling?  Carefully I tried to coax the tiny thing into letting me pick her up so that I could land her feet on the sand. It took half a packet of crushed Oreos and a good old 10 minutes of "good kitty, nice kitty." 

Mission accomplished. 

The kitten purred and wrapped herself around my foot almost as if giving me her gratitude. Oh how my heart was set on this creature. I played with the animal till it the sun kissed the ocean; marking my departure. 

After a million kisses, a full packed of crushed Oreos  and a prolonged goodbye I set foot back home wishing the animal a good life. The kitten followed me half the way till it's tiny paws probably worn out and it's tiny figure disappearing into the now dimly lit up sky. 

I wonder if that's what summers about. Finding tranquility in the wilderness of the earth, learning to appreciate Mother Earth, just finding the almost extinct solitude from the hassle of city life. I hope the kitten remembers me, if I ever someday stumble into her again, though I know there's a bleak chance of that ever happening. 

Forgotten summer love, sun kissed skin, blue skies, a new sense of confinement and a brief agreement between the mind and your heart, almost lulling you to never go back. 

Now that's what summers all about. 

#SummerTwentyFourteen 

Religion Prejudice

Today I'll be writing on one of the most controversial but hushed topic in our society. Religion.

• : an organized system of beliefs,ceremonies, and rules used to worship a god or a group of gods.

Hindu, Muslim, Christianity, Sikhs, Jews and so on are all the different religions all around the world. We may praise the almighty god with all the pre-historic rituals and all that jazz, but does anyone have the authority to question their customs? Like a woman can never be a Rabbi or a priest in a baptized church. Muslims women are to be behind a veil or 'burka' when in public, some middle eastern counties don't allow women to drive cars. They don't even allow their woman to pray in mosques. We as Hindus frown upon the household where a women is the bread maker in the house or remarriage of a widow, the dowry system, marrying  an innocent 13 year old off to some 30 or sometimes even a 60 year old man. When I open the newspaper, all I see is this heart breaking stories of child marriage, suicide  attempts of women due to not being able to pay dowry, or due to the constant henpecking from the in-laws. 

But all in all- we see, we might feel sad but move on as this is all under 'religious customs.' Not allowing girls near worship places when their on their monthly cycle- I have friends who are not allowed to go out of the house during those 5-6 days. I'm sorry, but is no one aware that this happens to every female and its not something we asked for? Our god made us this way. We think of child birth as something pure and magical but when it comes to the periods that illusion is demystifies? And then we sit and wonder as to how this inequality between a man and woman has started. It's always the girls fault. Whether it's blamed on Eve for biting the sinful apple or on us girls wearing short clothes is a mating call for males to rape. It's always us. 

Some religions are of the belief that homosexuality is an unnatural disease and we must immediately shun out such people who are 'ill'. Or in some tribal beliefs when children start teething, they believe that the child is possessed  by the devil and go to these con artists who sit under the title of 'gurus' with their yellow forehead and saffron clothes, with their multiple necklaces just waiting to pounce  on poor villagers for a living. If a girl is not mentally stable they send her off to some remote temples where she's made to pretend to be some devil possessed sorcerer and people sit around her chanting spells to ward off her 'evil spirit'. You're probably thinking- Are you kidding me? I wish I were, but it's the bitter truth. Have you seen any female pundits? Or god being addressed as 'her'. Though we have many female deities, they're always put in a smaller temple or less grander than their supposing 'husbands' . That's why maybe I like Durga Mata so much. Call it a feminists guilty pleasure. But she's the only goodness know for being a superwoman, for not depending on any man.  

Whether it's Hitlers genocides or discrimination of females in worship place as long as the discrimination is under the title of 'religious believes' we all just drop the idea of voices our thought or fighting for our right and start chanting gods name in fear of being cursed by him. The hypocrisy of the government and the juvenile customs of our many religious beliefs have suppressed us woman form any kind of power. Not to mention our religious believes of not talking open about 'sex education'. In India we student do not receive sex education talks, but in turn are supposed to pride the fact that we worship many goddess and pray to them to bless us.  I mean the whole country dedicates temples and 'Ashtami' days for national holiday to worship our girls who are our 'devi' or goddesses. While any other day it's okay to rape a girl between the ages of 9 months old to a 90 year old or molest a baby girl in open day light? Studies have shown that sex education is one of the ways to drastically reduce rape cases. The evident carelessness and egoistic male chauvinism in this country is appalling but if it's under the tag line of religion- we just let go and take whatever is in our way.  

I'm not an atheist. I believe in god, I pray, I visit temples, churches, gurudwaras etc.  But I like to believe that god, this enchanting mystical form we pray and devote our faith hasn't brought me into this world to see that women are inferior to men, or girls can be discriminated whether openly or in religion, and we are just supposed to be okay with it. No, he has brought me to see that equality is my birthright and nobody gets to put me down- not religion, not any government or cult. Not even he himself. 

Discrimination is showing prejudice in any form- political, social or even religious. Why can't we tax this biased system which is hiding under the protection of god? Which thinks it can get always with it cause we fear god? Try being god loving, not god fearing people. Then maybe we will someday get to see an equality which we can only dream of right now. Think about it. 

PS- I meant to hurt no religion, customs, cult or any beliefs. It's not a hate blog, nor an atheist one. It's only my beliefs cause everyone is entitled to them, and this👆 is mine. Sorry not sorry if it hurts any sentiments or feeling, it's not intentional and all of this is purely frictional and for amateur blogging. 

Till next time my readers. 🙏

   

17 years, 17 little observations.

Here's to my 17 years of my life in 17 personal life pointers.

1. Don't grow up, it's a trap. We all just wait to grow up just to experience more conflicts nobody prepared us for. 

2. Nobody wants sympathy. We all just want empathy. 

3. Little things in life do matter. 

4. All the bad things is life are prettier, more attractive, more alluring and definitely more cheaper than the good things is life. That's what makes it so hard. 

5. Everyone just wants money, nobody actually wants a job. 

6. School days are the best days in ones life. 

7. People come and go, but family stays, irrelevant of whether you might like it or not. 

8. When people are irritated , they make it a point to pass on their irritation to everyone around. Maybe that's why anti-socials are in a way smart to stay away from people. 

9. When life hands you lemons- you spend the rest of your life wondering what to do with it. Make lemonade or just  keep it as a showpiece till it rots. The choice is yours. 

10. The 80's kids might have had a hard life with no actually luxury of technology or urbanisation, but they definitely had a better life than this generations. Without technology or communication, you really don't give a damn about what your next door neighbour is doing. And that's something I'd kill for. 

11. Money doesn't buy happiness but I rather be crying and drinking my sorrows in a mansion than a hut. Just saying. 

12. Boys or men definitely gossip just as much as us women. If not more.

13. Reality checks are the worst kind of checks in life. 

14. The older you grow; you're given your lawful rights to liberation. But somehow, you feel even more caged.  

15. Men's mightiest downfall in life is their ego, and women's their incapability to mind their own business. 

16. The worlds a  big masked ball, everyone is wearing a pretty mask to hide their inner demons. 

17. Expectations mostly lead to disappointments. Best advice- just wing it- unexpected things in life are the most memorable memories. 

....... (To be continued) 

PS- Happy Holi to all you beautiful people out there ❤️